The "feeling productive" trap

I’ve noticed that many ambitious women overcouple being productive with feeling stressed.

I often hear my clients say things like:

"I feel productive when there's pressure."
"I love the race."
"When I have lots of rest, I struggle to switch back on."

I’ve been there too. We thrive under pressure. We love getting shit done.

And while ticking dozens of boxes per day is certainly exhilarating, we can fall victim to this trap of overcoupling.

In the past, I constantly overcoupled stress with productivity. If I wasn’t under pressure, I told myself I wasn’t really getting anything done. The rush, the deadlines, the intensity — that was what made me feel alive, useful, accomplished.

But underneath, what was really happening was a cycle of guilt. Every time I slowed down, every time I tried to rest, a voice in my head whispered: You’re wasting time. You’re falling behind. Over time, stress became the only state my nervous system recognised as safe. Relaxing felt wrong, almost dangerous, as if I would lose my edge.

In my head, I overcoupled feeling stressed with feeling productive.
I essentially told myself: if I am not stressed, I am not productive.

This turned on the guilt cycle. Every time I wasn’t under pressure, I felt like I was failing.

Over time, pressure became the only state my nervous system felt safe in. Then came the restlessness whenever I tried to relax…

To stop this vicious cycle, we need to uncouple stress from productivity. Because in reality, it’s the opposite: pressure makes us more likely to make mistakes, and it keeps our parasympathetic nervous system from switching on as often as our bodies need.

Secondly, we need to train our body to feel safe without pressure. Start small. For example, have a nice non-alcoholic drink while you work — but without pushing yourself to the edge. Let the body soften.

Thirdly, experiment to find that sweet spot: a balance between vivid alertness and the frantic hamster wheel energy.

To build beautiful things, we all need to create a healthy relationship with both the push and the pull. Test your own combinations of on-and-off. See what actually works for you.

Productivity has nothing to do with stress.
On the contrary, you’re at your most productive when your nervous system works in harmony — and that only comes when you honour your rhythm.

Philosophical Principles of Cognitive Hypnotherapy

© Copyright by Lola Chikivchuk, 2025